Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Because Im Happy

I refuse to wander through the foggy world wide web sniffing out the saddest most terrible news stories.


I already know the world is a sad, hard place.

I refuse to sit in a dark and damp cave of mourning and self pity, looking back at all the pain and hurt from the past and wondering what life would be like if it hadn't happened.

I have a hope of a future where all my morning will be turned to joy.

I refuse to only see my own mistakes and go stumbling around through life blindly bumping past new experiences because I am too ashamed of my past.

I have been forgiven.

I refuse to be the angry blogger who hunts around the blogosphere every morning for some juicy error so I can whine and complain because someone isn't holding to the same standards I am. 

I am not the judge.

I refuse to reblog, repost, or hit that little share button on ANY post or comment that has the sole purpose of gasping about how some human failed at presenting a topic the way I think it should have been done.

I do not know everything.

I refuse to criticize people when I think they didn't do their job correctly.... that's their job not mine.

I am human too, I fail constantly.

I refuse to allow worry lines to cover my forehead because my government is corrupt. 

I have a higher power that governs all and already has it all figure out.

I refuse to adhere to such a strict set of life rules that my demeanor becomes either angry at the world, or I become such a skittish basketcase that I no longer how to live a normal life.

I am LOVED by my God. 

I refuse to let all the built up anger at all the wrongs "christianity" has done to me boil inside me.

They are not my judge, I must only stand correctly in His eyes. 

I refuse to allow all the injury others have done me in the past to fester inside me.

I must forgive, as I have been forgiven.

Because I'm happy. Even though I've lost a lot, I've been given so much more. Even though the world stinks, my government is corrupt, and terrible tragic things happen everyday I have a brighter better future. Even though I have rules in life that I adhere by and believe in it is not my job to tackle every small wrong done through human fallibleness. Yeah, there is wrong and sin in the world, yeah there are things that we must stand up against, I'll reserve my fervor for the big things.  

Christians should be the happiest people in the universe. We have hope, we know our future is secure. There is no reason that we should be the grumpiest, touchiest people on the planet.

I'm happy, not because life is sunshine and roses but because I choose to be happy. 

I choose to be happy.

I am happy.


Fine Print: Hedgehog picture shamelessly stolen from pinterest because hedgies are the happiest things in the world and if you cant smile when you see him then I give up. And if you want something happy to hear may I recommend this? 


Monday, June 24, 2013

So it's the end of June already...



Remember that list I made in May? So here is how I've done. :) 
1. New blog.... yep did that.
2. Study harder? Nope haven't done that
3. History internship for fall? Working on it
4. Get a job.... LOL yep 3 of them :D I work as a sales associate for Cato and Justice, I also work as a greeter for one of the big resorts here. 
5. Get a fun job... check! :) on Saturdays I work as a greeter, I basically just stand and direct the oncoming crowds of vacationers to their correct spots. You meet all sorts of people, and their dogs, occasionally a cat, last week I met a bunny - his name was fluffles... Anyhow, :) you never know what you'll see or what they'll ask you. 
6. Revel in the movies.... Oh boy have I! Iron Man 3 was good, Man of Steel was really good, Now You See Me was awesome, Monster's University was adorable - of course... Still cannot wait for Lone Ranger
7. Grow a small garden... its all planted and waiting for harvest.
8. Make myself a reputation at the library... Done, totally done. :) 
9. Be nerdy and watch the 50th anniversary Doctor Who.... I'm ashamed of myself, that hasn't happened.
10. Watch every episode of Big Bang Theory.... in progress. :) Still in as much love as ever with that. 
11. Achieve expertise in the best location for Chai Tea... It's still Starbucks, but there isn't one near me, there is one on the way to work, and I have taken advantage of it. ;) 
12. Complete my Children's lit. course.... Groan
13. Act like a total tourist in Ocean City...  still haven't, but I have covered all of Bethany and Rehoboth beach. :)
14. Convince starbucks to put a location in my town.... Anyone know how? I'd love to. 
15. Go visit my family and play tourist in Columbus... Hasn't happened yet, prolly wont seeing as my family is actually going to move here about an hour away from me.; )
16. Visit places I've always wanted to (DC and NYC) not yet... we'll see
17. Catch and eat crabs. does accidentally catching two count?
18. Take time to lay on the beach, haven't been there much... to much working going on.
19. See the wild pony swim... that will have to wait until next year. 
20. Just enjoy every second of living... Been working on it. :)

So there is an update. What have ya'll been doing?

Thursday, May 9, 2013

"Tell me about your friends"

I blinked a couple of times, this was a job interview, what did this have to do with anything? I stammered out something about a group of great people in another state who I used to hang out with.

Then I thought about it. My friends... my true friends weren't that conglomerate of people I used to hang with. They weren't an arbitrary set of people who went to the same church and shared the same interests.

These were my friends:

The girl who stood by me during one of the hardest days in my life. Just stood there, only three inches away, as an unchanging source of comfort, a hug ready the instant I looked like I needed it.

The guy who went on a walk with me that same terrible day. Stepping in front of all the people wanting to question and talk to me. Giving me space and silence for just a few minutes. He told me that he cried too when he heard the news, letting me know that I wasn't alone in my grief.

The girl who giggled with me over how we stuck out of the crowd, who was ready to do silly things with puppets for VBS. The girl I wish I could have gotten to know better.

The girl who stood by me as I went through difficult growing pains. Always ready to meet for a chat or try new things. The girl who came over and helped me paint and unpack and pack again. The girl who was the only one who truly seemed to understand.

The man who was patient enough to teach me something I feared. Pushing me into the drivers seat of his car until I learned how to control a steering wheel.

The girls who, though they couldn't understand why I was changing so rapidly or who this new me was, still took time to laugh over lunch with me. Continuing our friendship even though I was no longer the same person I had been. Being supportive even if they can't understand.

The guy who never really said much of anything. But somehow whenever someone criticized he'd come up out of nowhere with a smile and a compliment. The guy who always stopped to say hi, and was the only one to notice when I slipped away from the crowd.

The girl who just sat beside me every week. A bright smile, and a quick quip always ready.

The girl who, when we were only 12, giggled with me over our future careers as eccentric novel writers. The girl who is still my friend 10 years later. The girl I intend to go with to the assisted living home where we'll giggle over our past escapades, collect big fluffy cats, and become the 72 year old versions of our 12 year old selves.

The woman who trained me as a secretary, always patient always kind. A quiet source of encouragement. One of those background people that you know will always be there and you find comfort in their steadiness.

The girl who didn't try to tell me that everything would be okay, or that God would carry me through this hard time. But she read my face and hugged me as I numbly tried to wrap my head around everything.

Those are my friends. Not the people who showered me with comforting talk. Not the people who requested multiple hang out times and tried to include me in every activity. It wasn't the grand gestures or the talkative friendliness. My friends were the people who showed their friendship in the little things, doing and saying things they actually meant.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

May

My life has this weird habit of following a prescribed pattern, a pattern based on months. January I'm always fidgety and bored. February I'm sleepy and in hibernation. March is the month I inevitably injure myself (broken toes,  loss of an unimportant organ, sprained wrist, torn muscle, broken tail bone, ruining my back.... respectively). April is the month I get sick in response to the previous injury  (swine flue, multiple colds, and this year stomach flue.)


But May.... May...

May is adventure month, I'm not sure if it's due to the past 2 months of pain and illness and subsequent inactivity. Or maybe it's the fact that the spring energy that is so hard at work outside affects me too. But I have infinite energy, backed by so many plans and hopes and dreams. And this wild side of me peeks out. I don't want to just do normal things like plant a truck patch, or conquer half a year of college in a month, or win a nearly impossible writing contest. I also want to adventure, to be crazy, do the totally unexpected. 

May is the month for plans and schedules, and breaking the schedules and having weird contests and running half way across the state for a coke slushies. Just because I have energy and I'm young and I can. May is the month I decide to change styles and I become a hipster, or go boho, for a few weeks. 

I am dangerous in May, but I'm also inspired. Every minute of the day is important in May, I write constantly, I study, I plan, and I play. 

So, plans for this year thanks to the May madness? 

1. Start new blog.... check!
2. Study harder and graduate by next May.
3. Get a history internship for fall.
4. Get a job and make enough money over the summer to have fall open for internships and student teaching. 
5. Get a fun job, like on the boardwalk :D Yep.
6. Revel in the awesome collection of movies coming out this year Iron Man 3, Man of Steel, Lone Ranger, The 2nd Hobbit.
7. Grow a small garden with epic produce.
8. Make myself a reputation at the library for she who checks out the most and reads them the fastest.
9. Be a nerd and watch the 50th anniversary Doctor Who special in a screen printed tardis tee shirt of my own making. 
10. Be a total nerd and watch every single episode of the Big Bang Theory.
11. Become an expert on where the best chai latte can be found around here.
12. Finish my course in children's literature and have a YA novel to prove it.
13. Act like a total tourist in Ocean City.
14. Convince Starbucks to put in a location in my town. Pretty please?
15. Go visit my family and play tourist in Columbus. 
16. Visit places I've always wanted to like DC and  NYC
17. Catch and eat crabs. 
18. Take a lot of time to lay on the beach.
19. See the wild ponies swim from Assateague Island to Chincoteague.
20. Just enjoy every second of living.


What about you? What does May do to you?